Christmas Eve 2023 Thoughts

      Sunday, December 24th, 2023 and this year has been one of the loneliest years of Christmas Eve I have ever experienced. This was the very first year since my son, Caiden was born that he has not wanted to spend time with me leading up to this day. I think I should have expected this, considering he is 12 years old and entering that pre-teen to teenager phase and will want to separate from me more and more as I will "cramp his style." With that being said, its still does not make it easy on me as I do not have much family around anymore to spend the holidays with. My brother, Adam, lives more than 3 hours away in Saugerties, NY and much like I do, spends a majority of his weeks working. 

     Another thing that has added to me being depressed this year is putting my love and heart into others. I have always put the needs of others before my own up until the halfway point of 2023. I then curbed my enthusiasm and began to put the needs of myself first, with one of those needs prioritizing my time to make room for a healthy relationship. I have been on numerous dates in the last 6 months, all of which left less money in my bank account and no additional butterfly feelings in my heart. I am not sure if this is what life is supposed to be like as a 40-year old single parent, but if this is how the remainder of my life is going to go then maybe it is time to refocus and reprioritize. 

     I was not happy this morning when I woke up and saw the numbers on the scale, specifically 193 lbs and my ideal weight is supposed to be 175 lbs. With part of the refocus and reprioritization in play, tomorrow I am going to begin a new fitness and nutrition routine that I hope to carry on for the rest of my life. I will workout in the same frequency as meals in the day occur (3 times), one right when I wake up (short), one session after my first meal of the day (short/long, depending on my prior nights rest) and a recovery walk (nightly before bed). With that, I will also track every calorie I take in, as this is probably the reason I have gained weight is random eating throughout the day that is not necessary. 

     Once the new year hits, I am going to find a spartan beast I want to complete that will allow me not only to achieve that feat, but will also allow me to visit a new place in the country. If I can find a partner to do this with, that would be amazing but if not I will go on this trip solo. I will sign up for the 2024 first PZP challenge for peloton and after my first paycheck of 2024, I will buy a heavy bag and gloves that works simultaneously as a speed bag.

     When love in the form of an intimate relationship/healthy partnership is meant to enter my life, it will enter. I will no longer hold expectations or force this to happen as it is God's plan when the right person is supposed to enter my life. I will get out of this depression by becoming the best version of myself physically, mentally and spiritually. I will never be a victim of my circumstances anymore and always take responsibility for what happens in my life. LETS DO THIS THING CALLED LIFE AND ACHIEVE MAXIMUM RESULTS!